Victors Heart Chimes

Three months into my first relationship, I went to Florida with my boyfriends parents. We fell into the stereotype of queer couples moving all too fast. From the first date, we were full steam ahead on a mighty adventure of love, romance, and young-adult optimism. Within those first three months I spent many nights at his house. Attending the same university, and by mere happenstance he lived less than ten minutes where I lived with my parents. The stars mightily aligned to set this romance to the breakneck speed of ten. In hindsight I get a kick of managing to keep the front without suspension that we were friends and not my first same gender relationship exploding to life. Florida. Flying most the way across the country with him and his parents was some blind leap of faith that paid wild dividends. It was intimate, intense, but I was poised. It was family lunches, dinners, but for three months in we were a bonded pair. It was a near two hour drive from the beach house to Universa...

 I'm driving home. A sharp sting floods in through the down windows. The air wildly tousles my air. I finished work for the day, the sun descends, the air playfully whips and whistles, I'm free. The night beyond waits to unfold. I'm excited to return home. For in an about an hour I'll be able to unwind with my love. I wonder what movie we'll find to watch, maybe a TV show, or casually catch up with music on in the back.  Will we talk about the things unsaid? The lack of comfort between us. The drought of touch. The dive into distraction to keep the peace, or to serve as an anchor to reconnect. The too often tabled troubles tucked behind the curtain of love, will they emerge? I wonder how his day was, if he's still enjoying work, if he's making strides in his social efforts with co-workers. Is he taking care of himself through the day, eating well? I merge onto the highway, intensifying the winds thrash and drag. I barrel towards home. Will the conversation v...

 It’s comical the slowness with which a face changes. I caught glimpse of myself a couple months ago.   Pale, brooding, spiraling—   I spent more time in the sun than was optimal.   It’s comical, those subtle changes.   A lifetime ago, the mirror would smile—   warm, happy, the feeling   reverberating from glass to lips.   It’s comical,   this mirror holds all,   this mirror holds nothing.   I strike me, the mirror.   It’s comical how it sees—   now more complete.   Cracks crinkle, cracks crinkle into different cracks.   The opulent hue of bliss   that lights a smile—   the deep cold tremor   that lurks below a long look.   The rich vein of love ran dry,   idles in still eyes.   My face, at once a still meadow,   weathers the emotive seasons.   Ebb and flow ...

Oh, love, I asked for tenderness.  But your hands, absent with purpose, stayed still. Love, I hungered for connection, Yet your deflection was a deafening rejection that made My vulnerable words are like fire in my throat. I ate my strained words for it hurt less not to share. Love, my desire for intimacy deepened to depravity. A warm flame in search of life lost in perpetual night Your words were coarse, denying my worth, it’s warmth. Love, I wish your words held less worth.  Oh, love, I wish we weren't here  in night eternal, where fog drapes the walls, Its suffocating veil blurring what we were, Floating away untethered in the dark, A house hollowed by shadows and silence, where faint whispers of our memories echo, then fade, Their echoes swallowed by the void Their warmth scattered like ash in the cold.  Oh. Love, softness receded like the last rays of sunshine retreating into frigid night Love, that animated this house,  Love, that made the house alight, a...